well then we just defied destiny.

May 21

i leave this house in 9 hours. then its a painstakingly long flight and i’m back in america. i want to be back of course; back to my bed, and clean streets, and normal bathrooms, and more than anything my friends and puppy (i hope my fish is still alive). but i don’t want to leave either. i love these people. i love them with my whole entire heart. choti naniji does so much for me, she feeds me lovingly, makes my favorite dishes, rubs my back and always gives me her shoulder to lean on. nanaji always shares his knowledge and art. i look at something and think its beautiful and unique, but i look at it with him and i see things i didn’t notice before and whole other secret world of detail and precision. mamiji is like another mom. always looking out for me, letting me know what’s right or wrong (in both good and bad ways), always giving me a place to sleep and food to eat. mama ji loves me. it’s there plain and simple. he laughs with me and holds my hand and i feel safe and at home with him. hansika is like my little sister. she tickles me and annoys me but we laugh together and tell secrets and talk about the world. there’s more to her than what first meets the eye and i’m going to miss her. a lot. soso mamaji. i don’t know where to start or end with him. he’s like the fun uncle. i have the best time when i’m with him. whether we’re acting like idiots or joking hating on everyone else or even each other i can’t help but smile around him. he’s the best, and i see a little bit of myself in him. he’s funny and generous and silly. choti mamiji works so hard. she does all the work and is such a nice girl. i love sharing secrets with her too, talking about this and that. no matter how much i offer my help she never takes it, but i want to help her. i want her to be happy. i’m so lucky i’ve met these people. i’ve always had a family but they gave meaning to that word. they’ve taught me about love and respect and giving. they’ve taught me how to open my heart and receive the best thing possible. and leaving them breaks my heart. it breaks my heart. i’m happy here, with them. and it’s true. in them, rab dikta hai.

“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” — Buddhist Saying (via babyheroin)

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May 19

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“I think it’s intoxicating when somebody is so unapologetically who they are.” — Don Cheadle  (via wolfandmay)

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“I want to be alone and I want people to notice me - both at the same time” — Thom Yorke (via l-yps)

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another thing i like about india

• showering from a balti

things i love about india

• family. my family here feels more like family than the cousins and uncles and aunts i have in america. i love them and they love me and we all laugh together and joke around and this feels like home.
• nothing tastes as sweet as the sweets straight from haldirams. delicious.
• indian chai is the best chai.
• simplicity. i’ve never been too materialistic and have become somewhat of a minimalist. even so, i have an immense amount of respect for how five or six people can live in small, one roomed houses and still be clean and organized about it.
• indians know style. and i don’t mean when they try to wear american clothes and the result is awkward outfits. i mean true indian style. its not about how short or tight your clothing is, its about the patterns of jewels, color combinations, the subtlety of one’s curves. i think it’s beautiful.
• i love extended families. although i understand how it could sometimes get annoying, there’s something amazing about growing up with all these people who share your blood. you really know your family. i love how important family is here. i feel like the meaning of family has been lost back home. it’s every man for himself.
• indian music (real indian music) touches my soul
• rickshaws and autorickshaws. i love both
• hindi. mine may not be perfect, but i love the language. telling someone you love them can be done in beautiful, intricate ways. cursing someone out is just plain fun.
• motorcycles. vrooooom
• indian food is delicious, even if it comes at the cost of an enlarged stomach
• the entire culture. it’s one of the most beautiful things in the world, and i’m lucky to have it so near to my heart
• indian dance styles. need i say more?
• heat

things i don’t really like about india

• pollution. people here throw their garbage wherever they please. poor mother earth.
• stray animals break my heart
• traffic rules, or lack thereof.
• everyone tries to be american. in clothes, music, movies. like why? be indian, it’s better
• i have to wear pants
• people don’t take no for an answer. you could be bursting at the seams, but you’re not allowed the refuse another cold drink or another paratha
• it’s scary. guys don’t respect girls, which means girls have to be extra cautious all the time, which is unfair. not much equality here.
• i often feel like i’m not allowed to have an opinion
• the bathrooms
• heat

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